conclusions.

Wheeee ~ Going to make my Gazerock tee tomorrow ~ Or at least get the teeshirt first d(^_^)b 


Gonna meet Rachel at City Hall and head to Peninsular Plaza to get the tee ~  
Hopefully I can get the tee printed tooo ~ 


Well. This post is to "friends" that were once friends.


I admit. I am good at hiding emotions. 
Laughing when I'm crying inside. 
Faking ignorance when I am seriously affected inside.

I'll say. I'm easily affected. That's my bad point.
I know you did ask. 
But then, think about it.
I answered, and waited for a reply. 
I was busy, so I didn't ask. 
I know this sounds like an excuse. 
But whatever. 
I will never swallow my pride for things like this. 
Its not the first time. 

Only time will tell how people are like. 
So now I've seen it all. 

I've been on the giving end. 
And I've also been on the receiving end. 
So there you have it. 


I've had friends like this all the time. 
And I know well enough that I don't have to change for you. 
I have always been like that.  Since FOREVER.
Don't like it?  FUCK OFF. 
Who told you to get affected by such stuff? 


Please. Why did I even try to please you guys? 

Talking to/thinking about people like this will only make me look OLD and drop my hair. 
*goes off to curse people*

Gazerock oh yeaahhhh :DDDDDDD

Reitaaa ~ <3 <3 <3  SPREAD THE G.A.Z.E.L.O.V.E 
:DDDD

updaaaaates.

Okay fine. 
No one really reads this blog. 
But since I made it for my own entertainment, I shall update it for my own shiok-ness. 


Nothing much happened really. 


Monday - 


Hospitality and Tourism Module. Damm. I seriously cannot stand the faci's accent. Some weird China/Hong Kong accent. And damm naggy some more. I dun liek. But overall I guess she was still okay?? At least she didn't drag the lesson too long. We were off at like, 3.35 3.40 like that??
The went to Causeway Point to walk around and get the $2 Cotton On bag for Christina. Hahaha. Then Ren sms-ed me. Double confirm with me if I want to go Dhoby Ghaut with him to Daiso to find something. Since I had nothing to do, so went with him lorh. 
All the way from Woodlands to Dhoby Ghaut he refused to tell me what he wanted to buy LOL. Until we reached Daiso then he finally told me, on the condition... that I wouldn't laugh. LOL. Funny sia he. Hahahahaha. 
Went all the way to Dhoby Ghaut for a ... ... ... ... I shan't say :DDDDD
Then after that we took a train to Raffles Place and then change to green line. Ren alighted at Tanjong Pagar cuz' he had work there. Then I took all the way back LOL. 
LOL. Reached home at approximately 6.30 ?? Then started doing RJ and stuff. Then chat with Ren. Help him figure out what Ruki was trying to say in one of their lives before Cassis. But I really couldn't hear what Ruki actually said. I gave him some alternatives LOL. Stayed up till 12 plus to get it done cuz I seriously cannot stand not completing something that I can easily do before I sleep. 


Tuesday - 
Nothing much. Entrepreneurship again. Had to do a mindmap for presentation, so it was pretty much an easy job preparing it. So me, Kenny, Azhveena and Zura were doing outside the classroom and suddenly the faci from one of the classes opposite ours came to us and he was like : "Do you all have a thing for ice cream?" 
Epic stun LOL. He gave us 4 lime flavoured jelly Paddle Pops :DDDDD wheeeee ~ 
Then the usual, presentation (but I wasn't listening hahahaha)... 
Took 187 back with Cassandra dear, hahaha. Camwhored on the bus :DDD sho cute siaaa she :DDD 


Can't wait to get my Gazerock tee done up. Meeting Rachel to get the tee ~
Ren is like "faster go make! faster go make!" Hahahahaha. :DDDDD


Yes Ren. Soon soon. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. 


Lesson starting soooooon ~ じゃね～！


Today's look - inspired by Ruki :DDDDDD

School and work have been tiring me out. 
On weekdays its school all the way till 3.30 and on weekends, its work at JP straight after my Japanese lessons at Bugis. 
Still haven't recovered from my bout of flu. And I think I'm gaining weight too. Shit. 


Still thinking about some stuff. Stuff that has always been on my mind and will always be on my mind. 
I've been thinking LESSER, but still thinking. 
I even emo-ed on the bus like. Wednesday and Thursday LOL D:


What will be will be. But I just can't help but think of it.. 


Totally drained and dead beat. 
Eyebags are getting uglier and uglier. 
SHIT.
I gotta start sleeping earlier. 


Someday ... 
Maybe someday ... 
I''ll be able to be with you ... 
But until then ... 
It is all but wishful thinking ... 
I love you ...
But do you feel the same for me ? 
I guessed not ... 
Its okay ... 
I'll keep loving you ...
Till the day I die ... 

お願い。

すごく嫌な感じがしてる。。。
やっぱり、あなたはもう私の言葉を聞き飽きましたね？
いいの。
いいのよ。
構わないのよ。
でも、お願い。
私を嫌われないで。。。
嫌われないでください。。。

Sometimes, I really hate myself for thinking this way. 
I'm sick and tired of having these kind of thoughts. 
I know I'm just making myself miserable. 
But I just can't help it .
The moment my mind wanders off, these thoughts just come gushing into my mind. 
I really hate these thoughts. 
I know they are just dreams that will never come true. 
But I really can't help it. 


It hurts to have these thoughts. 
It hurts so bad. 
I just want all the pain to go away ... 

emotions, time, and letting go .

I knew it. 
I knew it was never possible. 


Its time to let go. 
Its time to part ways.


I knew I was never good enough for anyone. 

emo post.

すごく嫌な感じがしてる。。。

あなたはもう私の言葉を聞き飽きましたね？

それでもいいの。

お願い。私を嫌われないで。。。

I think I'm emo-ing again.

Am I irritating? 

The first day back at schoooool.

First day back at school 
There was good stuff.
And there was the bad stuff. 
Which one do you wanna hear first?


Never mind. Shall start with the gooood stuff :D
I'm in the same class as Cassandra LOL :D
Wheeeeee :D


The bad stuff? 
Some people are pissing me off. 
So now its my fault that I didn't meet you guys for lunch? 
When no one called/sms-ed/told me on MSN? 
The only related question was : "you want meet for first break?"
I answered "anything" and all I got was another question. 
No one told me anything about the time and meeting place or whatever fuck shit. 
Still can put on twitter some more. 
My name wasn't there so OBVIOUSLY, they had already planned to leave me out so that they can push the fucking blame on someone else, being YOURS TRULY. 


And also. 
Here's a sorry to Ren. 
Hahaha. I've been irritating him these few days (i think) 
Keep on spam him.
PAAAAISEHHHH D:
webcam sooooon :D


- teh end -


ScReW Kazuki and Sadie Mizuki :DDDDDDD shoooo cuuute :D

10/10/10 ... ... ...JUST PASSED. Its 11/10/10 already :DDD

Oh well. 10/10/10 just passed. :D

Pretty average Sunday I guess. 

But then. There is something that really pissed me off. 

Nah, maybe not seriously, but I was pretty irritated at work today. 

Here's the story. 

There's this newbie at the shop. 

And I DON'T LIKE HIM. 

Dammit. Gotta bear with it for the sake of my money.

Wanna know why I don't like him? 

1. I don't like his face
2. He asks stupid questions
3. He does some stupid things that piss me off
4. He talks to me/us like I've known him for a long time alr. 

Stupid questions being? 

Me: *sucking on my lolly*

Him: Eh, why you eat lollipop eat so slow? 

Me: *WTFFFFFF* uhhhh. Slowly eat lah. Eat so fast for what?

Him: Haha. 

LIKE. WHATDAFUCK?

Another one.. This one was when the shop was empty

Me: *standing at a corner looking out for customers*

Him: Eh why you look so sian? 

Me: Uhh. Cuz I'm bored? 

Him: Orh. 

Seriously lah. What the fuck ? 

And the stupid things he did? 

I was digging in the lolly can to look for my strawberry lolly. When I found it, I was talking to myself aloud. I said "Yay I found my favourite flavour!" Then he was like "What what? I also want!" 

WTF, you are older than me leh. Can you please act your age for GAWD's sake? 

Dammit. I really don't like him. 

Also. Here's a little something for all those who have been emo-ing like me. 

I guess no one really wants to know, but since this blog is the place where I let my emotions run free, here's something for all of you.

For those with BF and GF, I'm sure we all know that at our age, NOTHING IS FOREVER. 

We know and have seen one too many examples of how people promised each other 'forever' and ended up going separate ways. 

Life is not easy. I know that EVERYONE hopes that their BF/GF will be the one they are looking for. But then again, when the going gets tough, I believe that will be the time where you can gauge for yourself whether your partner is REALLY the one for you. 

I know I'm not really in the best position to comment about such stuff, since I've never had a BF before. But I've seen couples come and go. I've heard stories that I will keep a secret. 

Actually, I don't really know why I don't have a BF. I guess its cuz' I'm more to the boyish side and I tend to prefer being that way. So I'm more of a bro kinda girl to them, compared to those girly ones. 

But I have already hardened myself to this kinda emotions. I don't wanna spend my days being someone I am not, just so to find a BF. If someone falls for the "unreal" me, then that person does not truly love me. 

I will NOT change myself for someone who does not like me for who I am. 

I am me. And nothing can change that. 

If you don't like me, that's your own problem. 

I am sick and tired of having one-sided crushes that I know will will never actually develop into a proper relationship. 

I am tired of having to put on a mask to hide my feelings (which I admit, I'm pretty good at it) so that no one will suspect anything.

I know I don't have the best looks.

I know I don't have the best figure.

I know I don't have the best attitude.

But this is me. 

And I'll say, I've never loved myself more in my entire life. 

Oh well. Better stop ranting :DD 

ScReW :D love them :DDDD <3 <3 <3

111th post.. ... ... But ... ... ...

I THINK I AM GOING TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN SOON.
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE.

Lots of things on my mind. (F.Y.I - I'm crying like, NOW)

I shan't say much cuz I don't see the point of making myself miserable just because of these things.
I'll blog more after I've really gotten over them.

Thanks Sam, my super-long time friend :D since kindergarten worhhhs :D
I feel alot better now :D

another post

Oh well. 

I'm bored.

What can I say :D

Anyway. I am TOTALLY OUT OF IDEAS FOR WHAT TO WEAR TO WORK

I need more clothes to mix and match. 

So I decided to make a wishlist of clothes and other stuff I want.

Whoever reads this and is kind enough to consider it for a Christmas/birthday present for me, MUACKS to you :D

CLOTHES

• GRAPHIC TEEEEES :D esp. those with Japanese words
• Denim skirt
• Tank tops 
• Denim shorts
• A nice dress that won't make me look weird in it 
• A decent set of VK clothes

MISCELLANEOUS

• Majolica Majorca Lash Enamel Glamour Volume On
• Majolica Majorca Lash Bone Black Fiber In
• Nail polish :D
• Platform boots
• Arm warmers
• Maybelline Gel Liner in Black
• Chains (for jeans)
• Belt with preferably a large metal buckle
• More bracelets (those more punkish kind)
• More goth/punk accessories

HOMG. This is such a long list :D

Thanks and sudden realizations :D

I have been emo-ing these few days.

I've been posting depressing stuff on FB, and I know I've been making people worried. 

So even though I know they won't read this, I just wanna say A BIG BIG THANKS to all of them who were so concerned about me :DDD 

Truth be told. 

I never imagined people would actually bother to reply to my posts since I guess I don't really have such an important place in their hearts. 

But. I am truly touched :D

Thank you all :DDD

Elsie - VK buddy :D thanks for the concern! VK IS NOT EMO. IT'S GOOD!

Samuel - Primary school buddy! Thanks bro. Your advice helped :D

Fulin - I MISS YOU! I'm fine now. Thanks for worrying about me :D

Ken - ROCKER COUSIN :DDDD Thanks dude. I mean it :D

Cyrus - OYAJI :D I am not a chibiko! hahahaha. Thanks for the concern :D

Oh well. I guess that just sums it all up.

Today (while walking to Woodlands interchange from RP to change my damm password), I came to a sudden realization.

Visual Kei and JROCK has really helped me pull through my first semester of poly.

Without JROCK and VK, I wouldn't have been able to express myself the way I wanted to. 

I want to be unique, special, more confident about myself. 

But I never had that before. 

After I had more contact with them, I guess I got more confidence in myself. 

I bleached my hair and dyed it purple, then the purple faded to a blonde, and now its some kind of ashen colour. 

But the point is. 

I feel that they really helped me alot. 

And thanks to Chiru-senpai! She's super cute.

I got to know the suuuuper cool Sochii-senpai and Ren-senpai :D

I'm looking forward to knowing them better even though I know I'm still a can't-even-call-myself-a-novice newbie at VK. 

BUT I WILL TRY! I SWEAR I WILL TRY TO BE AS GOOD AS SOCHII-SENPAI! (She's REALLY REALLY goood!)

I want to be able to carry off whatever style I try with confidence. :D

頑張ります！

Until next time. 

I CAN HASH GPA 3.1 woooooooooooooooooooooo! :DDD

Jin and Kazuki :D

 Cheki with Jin and Byou :D

ScReW is LOVE <3 <3

fucked up day..

Today is a fucked up day for me.

AS IN SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP.

Work is still okay. Gotta keep my cool for the sake of my money. :D

But... 

What is REALLY REALLY bothering me is the direction my life is taking.

Seriously. What the shit man. 

No friends, no money.. 

NOTHING. 

I don't mean to say my friends are superficial, but sometimes they just really piss me off. 

They make it sound like the whole world is only THEM. 

They say I should be more girly. 

They are always complaining how their parents this parents that, boyfriend boyfriend that. 

YES I FUCKING GET IT ALREADY. 

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T.

I CHERISH FAMILY TIME, UNLIKE THOSE WHO ARE ALWAYS NOT AT HOME. 

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP SAYING THAT.

And the funny thing is. 

You know how some girls reaaaaaally like those cute cupcakes?

I like them too. 

They are always saying how they want to try making that when they can't cook a decent meal (NOT MAGGIE MEE. I MEAN THE THREE DISH, ONE SOUP AND RICE KIND) for themselves.

Then the cupcakes come out looking like shit. (they are ALWAYS complaining to me :D)

EPCI FUNNY :DDDD (i'm just kind enough not to laugh in their face)

You think what? I'm GOD? 

Come to me and kao beh kao bu then I can solve your problems? 

PUI LARH. 

YOUR OWN PROBLEMS. 

YOU WANT TO MAKE NICE CUPCAKES, PRACTICE. 

YOU DUN WANT YOUR BOYFRIEND AND PARENTS TO NAG, THEN DUN DO WHAT THEY NAGGED YOU ABOUT. 

EASY RIGHT? 

Dammit. FUCKING PISSED. 

Shall post some pics to cheer myself up.

These two never fail to make my day :DDDD 

Kazuki Byou <3 <3 <3 aweeeesome :D

long update...

OHMYGAWDS.

I just reached home from work not too long ago. 

MOTHERFARKINGTIRED. 

I need my rest. But I just can't seem to NOT use the comp for one day. 

HOLYSHIT. I'M LIEK, SHO DEAD.

Aaaaaanyway. Here's just a recap of what happened the past few days.

Monday - Friday : WORK

Hahaha. Yesh. Work all the way. 

SWEEEEEET SWEEEEEEEEET CASH.

I can go buy SHOXX tomorrow (Y)

I wanted to blog about Resident Evil: Afterlife

But then again, forget it.
I'm too damm tired to do anything except for watch videos :DDD

Hey wait. This update is like, so NOT long at all. 

One word summarized MY WHOLE WEEK.

HOMG NO LIFE.

Boss says he wanna hire cosplayers for the launch of our membership card. (Y) (Y) 

Lucky I got some contacts :D hope to make friends with them! 

Kagrra, - Akiya (Guitar)

 Kagrra,  - Nao (Bass)

 Kagrra, - Nao (Bass) sho cute :D

 Kagrra, - Shin (Guitar, Koto)